xeversosweetx

03:22 pm: that i am
well lets see i havent posted an entry in over a month and quite a lot has happened during that time
well the weekened that i last posted the chids went to cT which i didnt intend and i had a decent weekened though
umm that saturday i spoke to this kid eric that is two years older then me he went to hicksville
and since then we have been hanging out and are now seeing eachother
hes really nice and i feel comfortable with him im just happy hopefully things go good
...cross your fingers...
it is me
anyways also since that weekened vanessa has decided to distance herself from us i was sad about it
and i didnt undersstand how people are soo childish like that hey we fight bye end the friendship
basically i feel i meant and we meant nothing if it was that easy to just stop talking to us i dont get it im never and was never like that
im the one who usually bends i value and care too much for my friends to just let it go
i feel its also life changing like doesnt it cross your mind
what can she be thinking
oh well
im not trying with her anymore i already have
its up to her
shes a woman shes not a child
school has also started its not bad kind of got messed up in the begining with the schedule and credits
but it is fixed now
my pre calc prof is a joke hes odd and weird and needs help

but i think im doing pretty good in my classes so far
so im excited
nic is graduating after this semester
shes unsure where shes exactly going but she started to apply
i joined a gym trying to keep in shape
not looking to lose weight but just tighten and feel better
just knowing im doing something active is a plus so im glad and nicole and i got a really good deal!! so it should be funn times
chids are doing good for the most part schoool
mostly we try and gett ogether as often as possible but its hard with all the other stuff going on...
but i think we all understand that
melissa is now an aunt wahooo marc is handsome hes gonna have all the ladies chasing him hehe
my cousins ri got her nose peirced which i want to see badly
went to irishfest last night with an odd group of people nicole her bf john mike minulli chris russo this kid pete and three girsl all people i knew from high school but never were friends with odd
but funn
we danced are tushies off at the last place we went
i again didnt even haev one alchoholic beverage decided to stayt sober
ive benn craving mexican food and frozen yogurt lately
i dont know why
yum yummmmm
chan and i are going to make it a thing now
she doesnt know that yet but she will soon haha
<3<3
umm lets see anything else
probabaly just too much to think of right now
work is good need to start working more i need the money badly
i have to get winter stuff still
other than that nothing really
im happy
and content
and hope everyone else is as well
love you all
<3

05:11 am: well hellloooooo

it is 515 in the morning and i just got home from the bar
it was enjoyable
to some extent 
people were cool
better then last time thank goodness
met this pretty good guy
we ended up kissing =o not like me to kiss a stranger 
but i did
wooops
oh well we exchanged numbers
so we'll see
brian called me tonight i think we are hanging out this week
we will see though. . .
summer is going swell 
didnt go to cT chnage of plans for me
hope everyone is enjoying cT ! ! ! !<33
summer is almost over boooo hooo
i hungout wiht nicole metakis and stefani urive the other night really good times <3
i miss them very much but it was good it was like where we left off
i need to get a camera this week 
hopefully this week 
but doubtful
its jst me and my dad home till i believe tomorrow or monday
i tried making him dinner he enjoyed =)
other then that nothing too much happened 
spoke to people i graduated with that id dint really talk to
it was odd but good
its funny though 
how different we are and how things change and happen
ooh well as of not its time for bedd
goodnight...

02:05 am: allergies stink

11:22 pm: Heyy
well let me just say i am exhausted
and i am close to calling it a night but i first wanted to get onto the comp and check out a few things
and obviously write an entry
well lets see today was a pretty productive day
went to canal with mel and bought two lovely bags =)) 
i really needed tog et bags so it made me smile
i enjoy em mucho
we also went out to eat with john and amanda who is very nice
and then after that we went to visit
ness at work..
then i decided to go home
because i was in pj moood
got work tomorrow woohoo thank goodness
i need money 
i spent all the money i made yesterday
i have a pretty busy weekened
toms 21st friday
kellys going away saturday and possibly rembrandts after...maybe
then sunday victorias baby shower and then hopefully the hot air balloon show with pat benetar
summer is coming to an end
and im not tan anymore
i was just looking at pictures goodness
where did my crispyness go!
major boo
hopefully ill have some time to take in soem time before summer is  over
i believe we are planning another trip to cT...at least i hope so
it will be good times
hopefully a little different then last time
i must go to best buy and have eric fix my camera
haha
umm lets see

i know kristen doesnt read this but YOU MUST COME OUT MORE dammit
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
and not at 830 or 9 i mean like actually earlier
k thanks
love you
i enjoy the new matchbox 20 song<3<3
good stuff indeed
i think brian and i are hanging out wed nothing major but
a hangout 
we'll see though
if not shannon and i will go ona  date
and do something
school is coming up
i cant believe it fourth year
where did the time go
its crazzyyyy
i still have soo much left though i feel like its still only my first year
but im soo ready for whats ahead.
im excited

recently me mel chan kris have been remencing bout the good times back in the day and yeah a lot has changed
for me
different and new people have come into my life
i have experienced and done things i havent done before
i have a stable job
i have my own bank account
i make my own money
i have left the country and had a blasty blast
i have been hurt by other boys
i have lost people that were important to me
i have fought with people
im not friends with people i use to talk to everyday
i sometimes feel that people that i am friends with are stangers

so much has changed inside and out 
and i get sad when i think about it
BUT
im happy when i actually take a step back and think about 
everything i have been blessed with and its great
yes i miss those who i dont talk to thats probably the worst change
i loved those people 
but i guess theres a reason they arent in my life anymore...or right now
though i may not know why i think its ok
because those who are in my life make me happy 
and thats all that matters




well mylovebirds im off



<33

03:33 pm: oh boy
im horrible 
i really am
i keep saying im going to continue this and write more often and look im not 
i stink and im sorry
and there are actually things i can write about
i do have updates !!!
lets see last time i wrote in this i was still in school so ill start with that
since then i got my grades i did pretty good this semester few Bs and a C woopwoot
gooo mee =))
umm i was going to the beach like almost everday for almost two weeks in was glorious
i got a sweet tan
unfor that tan has since dwindled into my pastey self
ohh well
umm i was hangout out with my pirate hookers alot i heart em
its funny jenn kelly and i have really been close since we started working together 
but we only really got close this year
i love them soo much
i honestly can say i love everyone i work with
no matter what shift or day i know ill laugh and have funn because whose there
its great !!!
ang and i wanted to try and get fit this year i persoanlly know i need to because i dont excerise and i want to start to
its good for you
and it will make you feel good about yourself
and that is something i need sometimes
we did four miles our first day it was great we sort of stopped it our schedules conflict =/
but hopefulyl we can get a few more sessions in before summers over
umm
chids the loves of my life they have been good for the most part we all
have our problems whether its personal or with ourselves which
we have expressed and hopefully since overcome
i love them all
they are magnificent
we went on another vaca to cT which was good for the most part
but cant ever go tehre without some sotr of drama or crying
haha

hopefully next time that will be changed....<3

ummm as for me there was a boy i liked he was a boy i liked ia high schooler where was my head
i dont know
i mean i dont think i was dumb for liking him
he said things and did things that no one really did it was nice
unfor his age played a hugfe role for me and thats why i was like eek no
and it wouldnt be  a guy story
if i didnt all of a sudden like him after he has moved on
i really have to stop this madness
its actually starting to make me laugh
like stop it 
whats wrong with me
i dont get it
but  as of late i wouldnt mind having someone arounf
to be with and make me smile and laugh 
i think its time i deserve it .

brian is home from being out on sea
its weird i dont feel anything for anyone but its bothering me hes home
do i get it no
do you?
if so let me know
its weird
because i am soo carefree 
maye im just nosey and just want to know like whats going on in there lives just to know..?
idk
if that makes sense
haha
but yeaahh thats how i feel
i also have been thinking about
pat a lot dont know why
but hes on the brain
i need to get a way
i want someone
to appreciate me
and love me
and care for me
and do the little things
that i have wanted for
sooo 
long
i reallly do
......booo


family was ehre for two weeks from florida simply amazing<3 we went to the bronx zoo
the beach
central park
the city
went out to eat
it was great i love them and miss them soo much
they are getting soo big
they make me happy<3


.................................................................................
im off for now
but if anyone reads this please comment
id enjoy some feedback on my psychoness
<33

11:33 pm:

hello again
im back not too sure when my last entry was but im thinking it was at leasta  few weeks away
which im sorry bout
i decided to write this entry basically just because i guess a little venting 
as well as updating. . . 
lets see school ends in two days =) and the weather is lovely
so im pretty happy about that
friends are good for the most part some ups and downs and some things
i just cant change unfor =/
wish i oculd but sometimes instead of fighting you have to just sit back and wait ...
kind of stinky though
im done fighting back in way people can start stuff and say stuff but as for my fighting back
or saying stuff im not going to
in a way im gonna be how i use to be just take it all in and relaize its not worth my energy or time
im coming to realize and appreciate my life more and take everyday as though its the last i want to enjoy life
i want to smaile and laugh everyday 
yes
there will def be days where all i want to do is cry and cry and be depresseds im human and i FEEL
but i want to not be soo stressed about silly stuff
boys little fights or things people say siblings 
just    e n j o y

i actually was hoping to write more and i will come this week

but i dont know how to express the other stuff yet . . .

so when im ready i will let you know

im sure you care =)

 

12:02 am: IT MAKES ME SAD KNOWING THAT I HAVE SOO MUCH TO WRITE
BUT NOT THE ENERGY TO...

THINGS ARE OK THOUGH AT THE MOMENT
TRYING TO KEEP MY HEAD UP
AND NOT LET THINGS GET TO ME
MY MOM SAID SOMETHING THE OTHER DAY
WHICH MADE ME THINK A LITTLE BIT.
IT WASNT ANYTHING THAT BIG BUT SHE SAID 'WILL IT BOTHER YOU IN SIX MONTHS?...THEN ITS NOT 
WORTH THE FRUSTRATION AND THE STRESS'
AND I AGREE 
THE SMALL THINGS IS WHAT USUALLY BOTHERS ME AND IT SHOULDNT
BOYS STILL ARE WEIRD
FRIENDS ARE DOING BETTER
MISSING MWLISSA THOUGH
NOT FUNN
WORK IS GOOD...CANT COMPLAIN
JOE IS GONE BITTERSWEET FOR SOME REASON THOUGH...
IM 21!!!!!!!!!!! HAVENT REALLY TAKEN MUCH ADVATNAGE OF IT RIGHT NOW
ITS HARD WHEN A  LOT OF YOUR FRIENDS ARENT YET...BUT IN TIME IN TIME =)))))
WEATHER HAS BEEN GETTING NICE
I CANT WAIT FOR FLIP FLOPS AND SUN SUN SUNNNNNNNN
AND OF COURSE THE BEACH
WENT TO MARITIME FOR A LACROSSE GAME
THE SCHOOL IS AMAZING I FELL IN LOVE
ITS RIGHT UNDER THE BRIDGE LITERALLY RIGHT BY THE OCEAN AHHH LOVIN LOVIN LOVIN
AS FOR NOW
IM HOME
THINKING BOOOOOOOOOOOO
GONNA HEAD TO BED SHORTLY THOUGH
WORK IN THE AM
AND MAYBE ILL FEEL BETTER IN THE AM
<3333

GOODNIGHT TO THOSE WHO READ THIS
AND THANKS HOPEFULLY I HAVE ENTERTAINED YOU FOR THAT MINTUE.!

10:12 pm: im trying to be happy
but in reality im really really down.

09:33 am: this is what happens when you wake up at the butt crack =)))


1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'3
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
umm no no
3. Do you own a gun?
nope, i not a fan

4. Rehab?
nope

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?
ehhhhHhh

6. What do you think of your friends?
i heart em there have def been ups and downs in our friendships as we all know and sometimes we forget about eachothers feelings but if anything i am here

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
dont have one i love them all

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water tea or oj

9. Do you do push-ups?
i try to and i say im going to and i dont it makes me sad 

10. Have you ever done ecstacy?
def not

11. Are you vegitarian?
give them credit i love chicken burgers and thanksgiving tooo much

12. Do you like painkillers?
i do use it unless its that time of month and well then there by best friend

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
lure..? not a fan of that word haha i thikn laughing though is a way to get anyones attention just smiling

14. Do you own a knife?
kitchen knifes sure

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
sadly yes

16. Date Of Birth?
the lovely 13th of the month of march

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. i really should be doing my homework
2. i need to drive asap
3. i need money

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
um lets see  -the new limited edition twix its quite srumptious -school books -and sandwiches for chan and i
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
-water -tea -occacionally coffee -iced tea- oj

20. What time did you wake up today?
a qurater to seven

21. Current hair?
the mullet is contained my a pony tail

22. Current worry?
money and driving and even my homework that im not doing but really should be =)

23. Current hate?
not driving

24. Favorite place to be?
vacation with anyone i heart

25. Least favorite place to be?
not sure

26. Where would you like to go?
 basically anywhere in the world<3

27. Do you own slippers?
of course i actually own multiple ones one for each day of the week ;)

28. What do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
not sure im nervous to find out though hopefully i the job im going to school for ill be healthy maybe kids and a husband 

29. Do you burn or tan?
tan like a mang

30. Last thing you ate?
strawberry waffles MmmmmMmm

31. Would you be a pirate?
i would actually lol

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
cancun<3

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
whatever either comes to mind or im listening to at the moment

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
a monster

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
my momma

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
oh wow i think i owned the best bed sheets ever to basically every disney one to sesame street ones to my little pony oh boy how i miss them =/

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
i had to get four stiches on my pointer finger once

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
six

41. Who is your loudest friend?
umm loudest friend shannon is quite the noice pollutioness

42. Who is your most silent friend?
i would say kris than she asks "i think they hate me?" BE QUIET

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
um i would like to say yes

44. Do you wish on stars?
i dont wish on em but i love them

45. What is your favorite book?
not sure to be honest

46. What is your favorite candy?
oh goodness i got soo many anything chocalate though

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
anything groovy

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
nothing sad lets keep it up beat

49. What were you doing 12AM last night?
HA i was heading to bedd sad i know

50. Do you love someone?
oh yess you want me to make a list?







EiGHT LASTS:

8. last cigarette: 7th grade obv i wasnt a fan

7. last beverage: chai tea<3

6. last phone call: umm mike

5. last text message: shannon

4. last cd played: hilary duff i know what your thinking but she has some good songs on the cd i swear.

3. last BUBBLE bath: right before cancun.

2. last time you cried: yesterday greys it gets me every time dammit.

1. last meal: i had two waffles before for breakfast.


SEVEN 'HAVE Y0US':

7. have you ever dated someone twice? umm i dont know if it got to dating lol weird kid he is

6. have you ever been cheated on?: um no

5. have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?: nope.

4. have you ever fallen in love?: in love no extremely strong feelings id say yes

3. have you ever lost someone?: i havent lost many but the ones i have lost i miss terribly<3

2. have you ever been depressed?: i think id sound crazy if i said no

1. have you ever peed your pants? when i was younger ill admit i did a couple of times

SIX THINGS Y0U DID IN THE PAST THREE DAYS:

1. school.
2. slept.
3. ate.
4. spent money.
5. showered.
6. spoke to loves.

FIVE PE0PLE Y0U CAN TELL ANYTHING T0:

im not naming just five. I could tell anything to anybody that im close to.

THREE FAV0RiTE C0L0RS:

1. pink
2. brown
3. green

TWO THINGS Y0U WANT T0 D0 BEFORE Y0U DIE:

1. get married.
2. have a job that I love.

HAVE Y0U...

-Made a new friend/s: yessum.

-Laughed until you cried: i do that on a regular basis.

-Went behind your parents back: i use to but there pretty trusting

-Met someone who changed your life?: everyone I've met has changed my life in some way.

-Gotten close to someone?: Yes

-Found out who your true friends were?: ohh yeah. especially lately.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF...

1. Bush?: not a fan of him.

2. Gay Marriage?: i dont care.

3. Lowering the drinking age?: Im not sure i have mixed feelings about it

4. Straight, Gay, Bi?: straight.

6. Do you believe in love at first sight?: nope. You grow to love somebody.

7. Is there something you want to tell someone? yepppp.

8. What brand of shirt are you wearing?: american eagle

9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends list?: sure.

10. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life?:100%

11. How many kids do you want to have?: umm between 3 and 5

12. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?: yesss!


13. Do you wanna change your name?: um i use to but i guess it fits me so whatever

14. What did you do for your last birthday?: went out with my bests to dinner.

15. What time did you wake up today?: 645am! hence why im feeling out all these surveys im bored

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for?: school to end for the semester. Yes, I know it just started.

18. Last time you saw your father?: last night

19. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
um i enjoy my life at the moment

20. Which feature do you like best about the opposite sex?:
sense of humor you need to make me laugh

21. What are you listening to right now? hopesfall

22. Have you ever talked to Tom?: clearly hes my homeboy.

23. Have you ever donated money to a good cause?: yessum<3

24. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back?:
unfor i have

25. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?: i dont remember. Not too much of a clothes borrower.

26. Who's getting on your nerves right now?: certain people.

27. Coke or Pepsi? ehh I dont really care so much. I prefer pepsi though.

28. Do you have a crush?: sure i have a crush.

29. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world?:
yeahh.

30. Do you think there's some models/people out there that should gain a couple pounds? def.

31. Do you enjoy your friendship with your friends?: yess to an extent

07:22 pm: Im not exactly sure when the last time i wrote was but im thinking it was some time ago...
lets see a decent amout has happened i have to say..
beginers cancun has come and gone and the memories that we will have it was to say the least amazing it was a nice getaway im glad we all went through with it and im glad everyone who went got along love em<33 SNOWMOOSE =)
i def let loose a little bit its nice when you can just do whatever no one knows you 
all of us were careful and stayed ontop of eachother
sad to say though i was the only one not to drink to where i actually felt the alcohol i was sober
every night there a little sad about that i thought i would be able to at least once but for some reason it wasnt happening'
im hoping to change that this weekened when we celebrate LAURENS 21st yayay so exciting =))))))))
but as for cancun amazingly amazing i recommend for alllll
SCHOOL has started i registered late but im in for spring semster my classes are interesting difficult but interesting so hopefulyl that will keep me motivated and help me from breaking down but we'll see hahah
boys hmm there is that boy still im confused but not hes nice and says all these ncie things he wants to be with me blah blah blah but then i question 
i got a funny rumor going around i heard so dont know what to do im mixed i messaged him the other day about my feelings and he siad though he has a lot of work and has his hands full he still wants to be with me but for some reason thats not enuogh i dont know
im gonna take it day by day
maybe wait till valentins day roles around maybe he'll say something nice i dont need anything but words would be fine 
corny i know 
but as for now thats all

friends are good ups and downs though in all our lives but we're champs we'll pill through
<3333333

04:03 pm:
hello my loved ones i am back on this lovely monday afternoon
lets see my day thus far..
two classes both cancelled
on my way out it started to flurry!!!! amazing<3
ate some grilled cheese and potato soup MmMmM
and started a paper
and eventually christmas shopping

this weekened
bunch of ups and downs
i dont exactly know where i left off i believe i said how ive been confused
and well i am
myspace how i love it ! NOT
i read a couple of comments i didnt like what one of his friends said to this girl
but the girl said nothing happened they were just 'talking and thats all.'
can i believe it.?
should i believe it.?
i want to believe it.?
i just dont want to get hurt
i dont know if im dooming it cause im afraid and it may be the same pattern as with pat
he tells me he likes me
and then im gone and heres this girl
i dont know
i really hope not
cause i really like him
and i want things to work
i dont want to ask him again
i feel crazy
people are giving me good advice but i dont have balls
to do any of it
imma chicken shit
im afraid of being rejected
and looking stupid im the one who started this whole thing
i just dont know
but i guess we'll see maybe this week we'll hangout and something will happen!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
onto other things
big things this weekened
well first im off every night except Wednsday woopwoot
happy i think so
hopefully i do some things maybe drink a little
i havent in awhile and i kind of want to not gonna lie
going to see DC and Brand New this Friday
then JETS Sunday
good tiems all around
next week also major changes getting my glasses back!!!
and doing something to the hair even if i just get a trim id like some change
i hate the same old thing
so hopefully i dont hate it hahah
umm....
three more weeks till school is done
stressful VERY
but im counting down till freedom
i still gotta make my schedule eeeek

Cancun in 37 days what what
need a vacation i feel like since i went to Florida i need to go away
get ona  plane a car a train bus feet doesnt matter how far just away
to think and feel ok and laugh and have a good time with the people i love soo much
city gotta do that sooon
i dont know what the plans are but must go soon
also going to the body exhbit a coule more times
<3<3<3<3<3


well for those who read this im off for now im sure ill be venting very soon
so dont worry!!

03:33 am: HELLO ALL,
       i am back surprise surprise =) Go ME! haha
but anyways lets see its the second of december thats it countdown to christmas is offiialy on woopwoot
i did some more shopping john and i went to roosevelt it was crazzzzzzzyness but gotta  couple things started on the chiddies<3
umm thursday went on a second date..? hangout with brian and it was nice we went to jones beach and saw the lights he hasnt seen them it was nice...then just hungout till 130ish just bsed
but i dont know i hear what i want when i ask him but i feel like that isnt enough and i dont know if thats just me or not but i dont know i could just be over paranoid but i guess i want him to be the one whose more pushy but i dont know
he hasnt made a move which was ok to me and everyone else that asked me how it went until i heard a comment which kind of hurt me so now
im basically a mess paranoid about it and i dont know what to think i dont want to be overly like so are you or what are we i mean its the second time hanging out we're just at that part of getting to know eachother and what not and i thought it was ok im not one to care if its ata  fast pace or not but i dont know
whatever
im very hungry at the moment and extremely tired but i just cant get myself to go to bedd
i got sooo much on the brain its ridic
i need cancun here more then ever right now
school isa  major stress
boys are controling my mind
friends are touch and go
family is starting to come around
i NEEED to drive so i can just be out on my own or with people i need to get out and just drive
i want a camera i miss taking pictures i feel like im missing out on taking memories
i need more money im getting poor
i just am starting to get all emo and down and it sucks
cause i was doing ok i just need reenssurance from everything and everyone i need people to talk to me and tell me things are going to be ok
and that i dont  have anything to worry about what i dont think im going to get that right now and it just blows.
i dont know
im sorry im venting but i feel like at this point i dont really have anyone to talk to or who understands me
i feel like so many people just bring me down im at a high point or im getting there and im pushed back down and i dont understand
like be honest but dont be nasty
but i dont know im venting toooo much for my liking haha
got work saturday and sunday a paper to write and a poem to read and actually feel it and when reading it to the class be emotional about it
yeahh i dont know teachers on crack
<3sorry for whoever finished this bad boy

01:29 am: Tis the Season

well hello my love birds<3 
its been over a month since i posted an entry 
and im really sorry 
i guess i failed my mission ...once again
Thanksgiving just passed which i was excited about it wasnt exactly the greatest family event
but the food was good and it was nice seeing my cousin Ri or i miss miss  missssssss soo much

umm lets see what have i been up to..
school which is going good getting close to the end so 
the teachers are piling on the work which stinks but its almost done soo trying to hold in there
work been working a little more trying t get some weekeneds in there need the money especialle
since shopping is something i do to the MAX
i went on a date yess thats right a date with brian it was actually pretty good
we talked the whole ima lways afraid that there are going to be those awkward moments of silence lol
but there werent any and we laughed and just got to know eachother which was the point of it
we're actually planning on going out again this thursday 
so we'll see 
things are actually looking kind of good just dont want to jynx 
for some reason its harder for me to talk about brian t people then pat
i dont know if its because my friends were like frieds with pat or cause i feel
people dont understand as much with brian i dont even know what it is
maybe just me expressing how i feel i always have had a problemw ith that
and if you know me you know that so maybe its just me
or the both combined
idk
ive been hanging out with shannon aka cody a lot which is nice
miss her its crazy though now looking back ive known basically everyone im friends with now
for almost ten years and its scary
basically all the chids ive known snce middle school or early high school CHIDS<3
i love it
my sister is a good example of the total opposite
she talks to people but they kind of come and go 
here and there whenever
the chids -shannon thre kind of constant for the most part
things are hard we all are busy and we all have jobs school other friends family
and yess its hard t understand that and some people dont
and find it as ooh they dont care
but i dont see it like that for some reason
i know i love all my friends they mean everything 
and i know i cant always get to my phone or a computer to talk to them but i thnk about them
and i love em
and yes i totally blame me not driving 
if i drove id go everywehere to visit my friends instead i have to rely on other people
and its hard 


Christmas is around the corner happy abut that but i dont know how 
im gonna find the time and money to get everyone presents
one bad thing about me is i want to shop for everyone
i put one person on the list
and i just think and add another
its horrible and i love to get people things so i try to get what i think theyd absolutly love

but thats just me
and its 1225
and i have class so i think ill try adn get some sleep
<3gnight loves

02:31 pm: i havent even checked when my last entry was
im afraid to see too
i dont exactly know what to say
summer is over kind of sad about it summer def was 
funn parties getting a new crush loving the chids 
laughs cruse
just a  good summer
back to school it is for me
going very well i have to say i enjoy all my classes
and i dont mind getting up which im happy bout
ive been pretty happy lastely 
except for a boy- -a new one i know patrick is no longer the reason i cry lol
i actually saw him the other day which was nice 
but yeah i like someone else not too sure whats going to happen if anything is going to happen
i think he knows though so the ball is kind of in his court
<3 my luck though is im bad with timing soo even if there was a chance time just wouldnt be right ....sooo yeahh
umm friends are good we actually have been hanging out have our movie/show nights
going out wherever diner dinner the brew the city 
umm one chid as of late i don tknow where they stand but i guess we wills ee
i guess it really is true after high school you kind of like ook if thats what it has to be im not happy
and its  like a bad nightmare but 
im not gonna sit around and cry about it  its life
i think no matter we're all here for eachother and love eachother but some people have different prioties
<3
i dont hate i only love
i have to look for a costume i got a few halloween parties which im stoked about : )
we will see though
i also got a few concerts
i just ent to the body exhibit and it was absolutly amazing im planning on going again and agian as much as i can before it leaves it wsa soo interesting i cant even put it into words
and it made me realize how much i love the city
but as of now im finsihing a paper and then workie poo
love you all
<3<3<3

11:25 pm:

Wish you'd stayed the night last night,
Woke up wanting to hold you tight.
Always want but just can't be, you're all that I see.
And you take my breath away, never thought I'd feel this way.
But there's nothing left to say, I'll have to wait another day.

Had a vision, Unintended.
Their thoughts running through my head.
Fairy tales that never ended,
Hearing words I thought you said.

You smiled when I brought you here,
Whispered sweet nothings in my ear.
And what was it that you said,
As you slipped into my bed?
Never told me why you came,
Was I just another game?
Things won't ever be the same,
I'll never love again.

Had a vision, Unintended.
Their thoughts running through my head.
Fairy tales that never ended,
Hearing words I thought you said.

Had a Vision, Unintended.
Their thoughts running through my head.
Fairy tales that never ended,
Hearing words I thought you said.

Hearing words I thought you said
Words I thought you said.
Thought you said.
Thougth you said.
Thought you said.
^{You said}.

Their thoughts _ru_nⁿⁱng.







_{Had a vision}, ^Unintended.
Their thoughts running through my head.
Fairy tales that never ended,
Hearing words I thought you said.




Had a vision, Unintended.
Their thoughts running through my head.
Fairy tales that never ended,
Hearing words I thought you said. 

11:05 pm: sweet nothings...

well ive been trying to update at least once or twice a month 
to at least continue this journal thing i started years ago....
not really 
what to say as of late my life hasnt been 
filled with many stories
summer has now begun
*for all my friends*
which is
very
very
very
exciting for me
:  )
well lets see::::
my cousin is going to be _²¹
which i cant believe 
hungout with her for two days
which was very nice
i miss her
we're planning on hanging out more
which im happy bout. . .
almison and chan went to cT
for a couple of days
hopefully there having funn
i have a crush 
something i havent had in a longggg time
its nice because theres someone i think bout
but its also something im not really sue
to cause i ahvent had one in awhile 
BUT
i get like nervous
when i think bout him
i dont know
its 
nice
but we'll see
its a crush
if something happens it would be nice
and a miracle 
lol
hopefully i dont get too crushed but as 
of now its nice
very nice
.......................................................................................................
lets see what else what else
the weather is getting nicer which im happy bout
it was kind of crappy the past few days
BUT
the sun is coming out 
work is going pretty good
ive bene opening so i have been getting there at seven which kind of stinks
BUT
i get out early and it goes by
really fast so
it def could be worse
i need money  im spending it more then ever
i went shopping again today
spent over a hundred
and i havea  cruise and the rest of the summer and who knows what will be going down
soo yeah
saving is something i have to try to do 

im planning on having a party
well
id actually like to have mulitple parties but we will
see
im sure it will happen im dying to have one
soo yeah
as soon as i have time
thats it 
LA  FIESTA  EN  MI  CASA

im going to two concerts at the end of this month which im excited bout
Yellowcard ft Matchbox Romance<333
and TBS Head Automatica&Angels and Airwaves
which is 1/3 of blink soo im happy
lol







as for now im going to go but i will try and update more often at elast every other week

01:29 am:



i dont know whats wrong with me i think im bipolar i swear im either happy or sad happy or sad 
and its  basically one thing that gets me reaallly sad for the most part i am content with my friends and my family 
there the ones who are usually there for me no matter what and
who i go to with all my crap. . .
boys i wish wish wish i could say things have changed in that area
but they havent at all!!! 
i dont know who i like if i even like anyone 
ahh i still get blaah bout someone which is really bad and i didnt even know i still would until the other day when i saw him but i dont know i just havent found anyone that i even i dont know i dont know why or who i even want i dont know whats taking soo long lol i feel sometimes like its hopeless i just want to be with someone and it not be fake i want to be in a  real realtionship im 20 i dont think thats too much to ask right now
but i dont know i guess im only wishing i was ina  realtionship because i have yet to be someone or at least be stable with a guy ups and downs always and its mostly down lol


on to other things summer is coming which is very very exciting yes i took a semester off but my loves have off which makes me happy = ) 
hopefully this summer will be good 
summer going into senior year def was amamzing and i dont know
if anything could top that but id like to have this one come close
so im crossing my fingers and hopng everything goes good


id like to possibly go to cT again i know im going on a lovely cruise with one of the loves almison
and possibly another one with the family <33

i just want to always be doing something i no matter what it is ...

       
im going to see taking back sunday for the third time with almison krispin and chan
very exciting i love em and there new cd is awesome 


 



We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone
We take what we know and we learn as we go and we run

Run until that day
We can see who we are
Have the final say
We keep being who we are
As love lights the way to the last day
And no one can take it away

Run and hide (run and hide)
Don't hide at all (don't hide at all)
Change is coming, no its nothing personal
Live our lives (live our lives)
Not hide it all (not hide it all)
Change is coming, no its nothing personal

We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone
(We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone)
We take what we know and we learn as we go and we run

Run until that day
We can see who we are
Have the final say
We keep being who we are
As love lights the way to the last day
And no one can take it away

Run and hide (run and hide)
Don't hide at all (don't hide at all)
Change is coming, no its nothing personal
Live our lives (live our lives)
Not hide it all (not hide it all)
Change is coming, no its nothing personal

We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone
(We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone)
We take what we know and we learn as we go and we run
(We take what we know and we learn as we go and we run)

We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone
(We live and we learn and crash and we burn and were gone)
We reap what we sow and we come and we go when were young


further seems forever

10:01 pm:

  im sad i dont update more ....

        i mean i dont have soo much to say but i do have things on my mind and things i sometimes i cant say out loud.. i dont even know who reads this anymore if anyone but i dont really do it for anyone i just do it for me and in ways i hope no one does read this...lately i feel like the chids arent the chids anymore and it stinks!!! 
kristen is kristen she hangs out like once or twice a week and i am use to that i understand shes busy though i wish she hungout more cause shes one of the bestest
chan is chan i talk to her everyday and we still hangout muchooo or as much as we can.. and i think things seem to be fine there we have our moment
melissa as always has been working her litle blonde butt off she def needs to relax a little bit not seeing her that much and its sad
ali shes busy with her sority stuff i guess i feel the most distant from her ...i wont lie i kind of knew once she made the sorirty things would be a little different it just stinks i understand shes in it and she has obligations but i feel like shes not around as much and considering i felt like she was one of my friends i was closest too it kind of sucks now... but hopefully things will change...
nisha ive seen her a few times recently or spoken to her more she had an awesome idea the other night that we all go out to dinner and it was an awesome idea def should do it like once a month or something it was good...
vanessa i miss but m hoping to hangout with her more ...shes nessa pooooo
kelli is a chid even though we never see her tear tear but hopefully she wills tart to hangout with us more again we have our laughs thats for sure
and last but not least lauren whose def come around feel a lot more closer with her and its good im glad we ahd that weekend in cT...

   thats basically how i feel bout my friends who i absolutly loveeeeee!!!!


  
  as for the boys situation humm...as of now theres no one the whole pat thing fell through i was upset for bout three days then for some reason i was kind of like f it its stupid to watse your time over the same dang person for soo long so im kind of done it gets me upset someties when i think but i figure thats normal .....im kind of whatever which im happy bout usually id e like blaaaaaaah woahhhs mee        soo i have to say im being strong  = )   theres really no one that has really caught my eye at the moment i see guys that im attracted too and what not but nothing like ooh wow which i guess isnt  a bad thing...


    family i heart there awesome today is actually marks the date my abuela passed which kind of made me cry ... its crazyy how time flies i feel like it was yesterday 

  im leaving for florida for six days which im mucho excited bout should be fun i decided to go alone just me to see my family should be fun a few days away 

  as for now thats it i basically summed up everything that ahs been on my mind ad that has passed..

  my birthday is coing up soon which im excited bout the big         2 0

 

 

 

02:51 pm:

 

 

Well based on your smile
I'm betting all of this
Might be over soon
But your bound to win
Cause if I'm betting against you
I think I'd rather lose
But this is all that I have

So please
Take what's left of this heart and use
Please use only what you really need
You know I only have so little
So please
Mend your broken heart and leave

I know it's not your style
I can tell by the way that you move
It's real, real soon
But I'm on your side
And I don't want to be your regret
I'd rather be your cocoon
But this is all that you have

So please
Let me take what's left of your heart and I will use
I swear I'll use only what I need
I know you only have so little
So please
Let me mend my broken heart and

You said this was all you had
And it's all I need
But blah blah blah
Because it fell apart and
I guess it's all you knew
And all I have
But now we have
Only confused hearts and
I guess all we have
Is really all we need

So please
Let's take these broken hearts and use
Let's use only what we really need
You know we only have so little
So please
Take these broken hearts and leave

12:09 pm:

 

 

                                                                                                        ups

well lets see things here have been alright ive been having my            and my

                                                                                                                           downs

but im trying to be more happy there have been a few things on my mind obv some boy not exactly sure what im going to do i know what i want to do but we'll see my friends  ....everyone says that this dang thing should ahve happened by now just cause its been on and off for awhile but maybe this time it will actually happen... who knows

work is going pretty good its been slow since the holidays and everything but hopefully it will pick up soon cT this weekened def cant wait planning on drinking havent really really done that in sme time and i feel like i need it i think it should be good times we usually do

. . .break is going pretty good as well cant really complain been out of the house almost everyday/night : )

 

one of my fav bands are playing at 2686 and i reallly wanna see em but no one wants to see em sooo i think i might just go alone lol

ali feeelll bettter!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

    

 

going back to